Are overprotective parents really protecting their children?

Our protective instincts start from the moment we hear the words “you’re pregnant!” During this time, most women (and some partners) give up drinking, smoking, eating certain favourite foods, and even harmful types of exercises. Why? Because we want what’s best for our child, we want our child to be safe and healthy! Even after birth, throughout history and between different species, it is our natural instinct to protect what cannot naturally protect themselves, our children. This leads to the big question, how much protection is too much protection? And are overprotective parents really protecting their children?

This is a question with many different answers. A question, where your answer derives from your own personal growing-up experiences. Therefore it will be wrong for me to give you a direct answer. However what I can give you is a perspective based on a range of experiences, leading you to create your own answer to trial. Yes, I used the word ‘trial!’ As that is all that can be done as a parent.

The Free Butterfly

Did you know that a butterfly lays their eggs on a host plant, then leaves their offspring to fend for themselves? Neither did I until I read this article by National Geographic.

I use this analogy in regards to a child that has no/minimal protection by their parents from a young age. As horrible as it is to believe, I have met children that are left to fend for themselves from ages as young as two. This is very real!

I have noticed that children who fall into this category are heavily-tipped at either side of a scale. They are either socially too young, or almost too street smart, and are either not at the physical capacity for their age, or far above it.

One aspect that affects most of these children, is that they are not socially at the standard of those around them. They often find it hard to make friends, and when they do, keep them. Schooling is another figure that is vastly impacted by this, with many being below the age group intellectual standard, as well as continually in trouble.

The future impacts this can have on the child are detrimental. With a lack of understanding for boundaries and authority, along with intellectual difficulties; many find it hard to find and keep employment. And, at times, this can lead to crime!

Having said that, there are also success stories of these children becoming successful, using their skills and never-say-die attitude to progress in their own ventures.

To achieve this, one must help these children see a future, and help them pave their path to achieve it!

The Bubble-wrapped kid

“DO NOT GO ON THE PLAYGROUND, YOU WILL HURT YOURSELF!”

“THAT KID IN YOUR CLASS CALLED YOU AN IDIOT? I’M GOING STRAIGHT TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE TOMORROW MORNING! MUMMA HAS YOUR BACK!”

They are just two of many different quotes by overprotective parents that I am sure we have all heard.

Congratulations, your child is now safe from harm. But are they safe from life? Like an overprotective parent, ask yourself, “who will protect them when I’m not around?” Because they clearly haven’t learned how to protect themselves!

This brings us back to our ‘natural instinct!’
We want our children to grow up safe, both physically and mentally. And what better way to do that, then to make sure they don’t get hurt, and to fight their schoolyard bullying battles from the get-go! Right?

WRONG!

By stopping them from activities that could lead to injuries, we are stopping them from developing their physical strength, their motor abilities, their ability to exercise their body. Our bodies are designed for bumps and bruises, especially children! They harden us to sport, limit our feeling of pain, and most importantly, they teach our body how to heal.

What about the mental impact of bullying? Shouldn’t we step-in and protect our child’s mental health?

Yes! But pick your battles!
A child first needs to learn how to first solve their issues themselves. A child needs to learn a skill called ‘Resilience!’

By solving their issues from young, your child will not learn to be resilient. This can impact the child by causing anxiety and fear, or even worse, depression! We all have heard about the extremes of depression, and the sad actions it can cause. And not just for a child either.

Teach your child how to solve the problem themselves. Teach them to talk to their teacher about it, teach them to talk to you about it, teach them how to communicate to the bully and how to handle them appropriately.
And of course, in extreme situations such as life threats and continual bullying, go in and help them. Make the school aware, and if you need to, make the police aware!

The Happy Medium

How do you protect my child to perfection?
Sorry, I do not have an answer to this, I only have a range of advice for you to find what works best for you and your family.

Teach your child to assess the risks and dangers

Do I…
“Go out and play in the park alone when it is dark?” Teach them that this can be dangerous.
“Swing on the monkey bar?” Teach them that they may fall hurt themselves, however, they will heal and get better.
“Jump off the roof?” Teach them by the risk of this, and what it could cost.

Allow your child to build resilience

Let’s face it, people can suck! No matter your age, you’re always going to face a bully. Sometimes, you’ll need to be resilient with life. Maybe you have lost your job or sadly lost a loved one. Life throws its curveballs that we all must face.

Show them that they can get over negative emotions. Show them through leading by example. When they see you upset, put a smile on. Teach them that all will be ok. You have shelter, food and love, and that they are the most important of items. Teach them that there is a tomorrow, and although things ‘suck’ at times, we need those times to teach us to also feel the ‘happy’ times.

Teach your child how to deal with bullies

This can be instructing them to speak to an adult about their problem, or ignoring the bully. Perhaps you can teach them the reason for bullying and that maybe that child just hasn’t learnt how to be nice yet, or could the bully be having troubles at home? Maybe your child could be the empathetic figure the bully needs? There are many resources on the web for this. A simple Google search will give you all the information you need.

I truly hope this has been helpful to you and given you some ideas to help your children.