Do parenting behaviours shape a child’s personality?

Parent disrespect:

“Respect your elders” – A typical quote said to those who are younger by those who are older.

A shared opinion by adults in 2020 is that a large amount of this current generation of children are disrespectful towards those older than them. All teachers that I have met believe that the lack of respect towards elders is increasing through each generation. But what is the cause?

In a first-of-its-kind survey, 2,250 adults were asked to compare their memory of “school dynamics” when they were students with today. The percentage of respondents who agreed with the statement “students respect teachers” dropped from 79% to 31%. The findings on student respect for teachers are nearly identical for adults who are parents of school-age children and those who aren’t.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2014/01/23/respect-schools-teachers-parents-students/4789283/

Scenario)

Steve and his elderly father had a disagreement at a family luncheon. He become angry at his father, and said words like, “You’re too old to understand,” and “I can’t wait to put you in a retirement village.” Steve didn’t mean the words he said, just sometimes we say things like this towards our family.

The result)

Steve’s son witnessed the disrespect at the luncheon. From this, he began to see older people as senile and incapable and learnt that it is acceptable to speak to older people in this manner. Steve’s son not only has this negative vision and lack of respect to the elderly but also to Steve himself. He has learnt that the older generations, with different perspectives and beliefs to his own, are beneath him.

What could have been done)

Many families argue, however it was not the argument that was the problem here, the problem was ‘how’ it was argued. Instead of disrespecting his father in front of the family, Steve could have waited for a time he and his father were alone. Then they could have discussed what they needed to in a civilised manner.

We all understand that it is hard to do this. Especially when another person is disagreeing, or even disrespecting you in front of others. However, by keeping calm and waiting for the right moment, you are installing a range of positive behaviours within a child. Firstly, you are not allowing them to witness what disrespect towards elderly looks like, and secondly, by not retaliating you are ‘breaking the cycle.’ When an adult argues with their parents in front of their children, their children learn to argue with their parents. It is a constant loop of arguments and disrespect. By breaking this cycle, you have just made your adult life better, and your connection with your children stronger.